Celebrating 31 Years
On Thursday, December 3rd I turned 31. This year has been such a strange year for us all. Personally, it looks nothing like I imagined. As I think back, I honestly can’t remember what I had planned for myself this year. Professionally, I started 2020 in a place of balance, camaraderie, and lofty goals. Our team was full of strong and smart women with a plan to aggressively track the impact of our work - in person with business owners. We met in New York for a week in January to map out the year, just before our boss would start maternity leave and our expo season would kick-off. Just two short months later we were in lockdown and all in-person events were canceled until further notice. Another month after that, we had a decrease in workforce company-wide due to the pandemic that left me with 2 teammates - both furloughed for the time being.
Team photo from our NYC planning trip in January 2020
No getting on planes, speaking at expos, or hosting networking parties. I wasn’t even going to Chicago or into the office. I’ve been a remote employee, living in a non-office city for 3 years now. Two of which were before COVID, where I would take the train a few days a week to spend a full day in person at our Chicago office - meeting with business owners, attending networking events, and connecting with local organizations. There’s a huge difference between that, and working remotely in a pandemic.
Some life things still happened. I remember around this time last year when we decided that living in a house would be so much easier with Oscar than staying in an apartment. After some Craiglist searching, we made the decision to move to Washington Heights, a neighborhood just blocks from where Tony and I both grew up. Finding a new home during the on-set of the pandemic was filled with FaceTime showings, Clorox walkthroughs, and ultimately having to trust our guts about the place we found.
It was during that time that I experienced my first hypomanic episode, post diagnosis. As if the pandemic wasn't stressful enough, we had to make a move happen in a total of two days which caused me to ramp up. Ultimately it was the right decision, our home is now a second-floor unit with a finished attic, a front and back porch, and there are classic design elements like built-in shelved nooks and led-paned windows.
One of the things I was excited to get was a dining room table. In San Francisco, I had a kitchen table at the second place I lived in, but it was just something we got for functionality. Not something we invested in. This time I would be buying a dining room table that I planned to have for a WHILE. By July when we moved in, a dining room table seemed like the very last thing that would make any sense for me to buy.
Five months later, still no dining room table to my name, an electric standing desk was the perfect investment. The happiness it brought me just moments after setting it up was worth every penny on day one. The desk is also in the room that would have otherwise held a dining room table. 365 days in a year and roughly 240 of them I’m working. Now, entirely from my house. My desk setup better be one of my favorite places in my space. And now it is.
As I look back on this year from a birds-eye view I notice a lot of change. At work for example, I launched a podcast with Entrepreneur called Behind the Review, that now takes up about 40% of my time.
On this blog I shared my first memoir style piece, and in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month I was able to participate in many opportunities and share my story with others. So many unexpected challenges, twists, and turns. But I also notice a lot of beauty. A new appreciation for my partner and my company. A new relationship with my weekends and the free time that I have during the workweek. A new understanding of what’s important to me, and a new perspective on how I want to honor myself going forward.
I took off of work on my birthday, and extended my time off into a long weekend from Thursday - Sunday. That Thursday and Friday I didn’t make any plans and turned down a few offers to get together in a COVID safe environment. This was a choice, and I did it to honor myself. I wanted to take time off with no requirements of my time. No one was waiting for me, no one expecting me to show up somewhere. If I wanted to turn my phone off and put it in a cupboard all day, I could. And for a good chunk of both days, that’s what I did.
As the year comes to a close and I celebrate one more trip around the sun, I look to 2021 and there is still so much unknown and so much of the same in our future. Staying socially distant and wearing masks is something we’ll be doing for the next few months at least, and I don’t think I’ll be on a train or in an office anytime before summer. This year had so much disappointment and pain, but so much to also be grateful for. Even though the holidays will look NOTHING like any other holiday year of my life, I’m going to enjoy my time off work, I’m going to connect with friends and family virtually or from a distance, and I’m going to have a greater appreciation for the simple things in life. That’s what this year has taught me above all else. To be grateful for the things we do have, no matter how bad some things can get. If you’re having a hard time I’m here, and I want you to reach out. The holidays can be tough any time - but especially in 2020, we need to ask for what we need so we can make it through, together.
